The Ten Commandments mention
parental relationships two times; once positively and once negatively. No
parents are perfectly good or perfectly bad. Whether the influence is 99%
in one direction or 1% in the other, in every generational relationship,
there are good things to receive and bad things to reject.
"... visiting the sins of the fathers on the sons ..." (Deuteronomy
God does not punish us for our parents' wrongdoings. However, the
result of our parents' lacks and wrongs does have a great influence on
us. Some fathers have been abusive; some have been absent. Even mothers
have faults. We have to forgive our parents and remove the negative
influence from our memories, souls and behavior. Sometimes a person
unconsciously repeats the same bad actions of his parents; or sometimes a
person over-reacts in just the opposite way; which is still in effect,
letting that influence dominate us.
"Honor your father and your mother ..." (Deuteronomy 5:16)
When we honor someone, we place ourselves in a position to receive good
things from them. When we honor our parents, we receive the good spiritual
inheritance and qualities that they had to pass on to us. Honor goes up,
and blessing comes down.
We have to make peace with our "inheritance" from our parents, and their
influence in our lives. I recently came across an old photo of my parents,
when they were the age that my children are now(!). When I saw it, I
experienced an inner release and freedom. It was as if I was finally
totally at peace and in line with who my parents are.
There is a process that many of us go through. At each age of our
children's lives, we understand our parents' perspective of their
relationship with us when we were that age. This gives us a "second
chance," as it were, to repent, to be set free and receive blessing.
This week, we had a time of discussion and prayer with the men on our team
in which we realized that many of the issues we seem to be struggling with
in the ministry organization, the congregations, and our decision making
processes, had nothing to do with what seemed to be the obvious issue! In
each case the responses were not appropriate or proportionate to the issue
we were dealing with, and it all had to do with our relationships with our
In order to become the person God made each of us to be, to fulfill our
destiny, and to bear much fruit in our lives, we must be healed of parental
wounds, forgive our parents of their wrongs, and receive their good
This article was previously published on October
on the Revive Israel website and on October 22nd
here on Kehila News Israel